


An Accident of Circumstance

by hermioneclone, Jude0077



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attempted Suicide, Blood, Cancer, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sex, Grief/Mourning, Happy Dave Karofsky, Hate Crimes, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Male Slash, Minor Character Death, Parenthood, Reunion, Smut, Teacher Blaine Anderson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-02
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:15:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29089644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermioneclone/pseuds/hermioneclone, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jude0077/pseuds/Jude0077
Summary: Life is a tricky thing, much more nuanced than classic clichés would suggest. Not everyone gets their happy ending. But it is those very tragedies of life that make it worth living, worth making the most of the precious time we have on earth. Kurt Hummel learns this the hard way after his husband dies, leaving him a widower and a single father who turns homeward to Lima to escape the reality of his life without the man he loves. But sometimes, good things can come out of heartbreak. Sometimes, diverged paths rejoin, aged with time but as strong as ever. Sometimes love can be rediscovered. And sometimes...life can go on. Canon through 3x21.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Carole Hudson-Hummel/Burt Hummel, David Karofsky/Original Male Character(s), Kurt Hummel/Original Male Character(s), Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson





	An Accident of Circumstance

**Author's Note:**

> **Original Author's Note, November 2, 2013** : Many thanks to tumblr user bowtiesandkisses for betaing (as well as being awesome), tumblr user achrestomanthy for some pinch hitting and a big thanks to Laura for drawing this amazing sketch! Also, thanks to tumblr user ironandivy for helping with some Finn headcannon that sadly didn't make it into the fic but I will write up at some point. It's been a long road to get to this point, I'm glad to have you along for the ride!
> 
> **Warnings** : Minor character death, cancer, slight D/s at points, hate crimes/speech, violence, accusations of child abuse (none actually occurs). Also, moments of ridiculous cheesiness, sexytimes and fluff. I promise.
> 
> [Original Live Journal Link for Entire Fic](https://hermioneclone14.livejournal.com/1304.html?thread=2328)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Original Live Journal Link for Chapter](https://hermioneclone14.livejournal.com/1603.html)

Kurt could not believe that he was standing here. He inhaled deeply, his breath shaky as he exhaled, gripping the sterile hospital bed tightly. He looked down at his husband, his normally strong and muscular body weak and shriveled from a fierce battle with cancer. He was almost gone.

"Kurt," he whispered. Even his voice was weak. "Chris. I need to see Chris." Kurt heard the unspoken words.  _ I need to say goodbye. _

Kurt reached over and squeezed his husband's weak hand. "He's right outside. I'll go get him. Hang in there for me, Sweetie."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Tears pricked at Kurt's eyes. "Good."

He turned. Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. Deep breath. Calm face. Turn the doorknob. He walked into the too bright hallway. Keep going. He came upon the waiting area. His father was there, along with the in-laws. Chris sat between him, his tiny arms wrapped around his knees, holding them close to his chest. Kurt's heart broke at the sight of his son's tear-stained eyes. "Hey buddy," he spoke, voice breaking in spite of his best efforts. "Papa's asking for you."

Chris nodded, his shoulders drooping as he stood. Kurt reached out and grabbed his son's tiny hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Chris returned the gesture, holding his father's hand in a vice-like grasp. Kurt led him down the hallway back to the room, their footsteps echoing eerily in the corridor.

They reached the door. Kurt knew that time was of the essence, but he couldn't push Chris. He knew all too well that this was already going to be hard enough.

"Daddy?" His small voice called out, wavering. "I don't wanna to say goodbye."

Kurt took another deep, ragged breath, running his free hand through his hair. He squatted down, looking his son in the eye, cupping his face gently. "I know, Buddy, I know. I don't want to say goodbye either."

Chris made a face, and it felt like a knife stabbed through his heart. His husband made the exact same face every time he was trying not to cry. "Cancer sucks."

"Yeah, it does."

"It's not fair."

"I know. It’s not." Kurt took a deep breath. He had to step up to the plate. "But it's what we have to do. So let's go in and see your father." Chris nodded, collapsing into Kurt's arms. "I'm here, I've got you."

His son pulled away, sniffing and wiping his nose on his sleeve. "Let's go."

Kurt stood, keeping a hand resting on his son's back. He pushed the door open. He heard Chris gasp as they walked in, moving a little closer. The boy had seen his father since the illness first struck, of course, but he had deteriorated so much in the past few days that Chris's reaction was not surprising. Kurt saw his husband wince at the sound; it was difficult having your son look at you like you were a stranger.

"Hey buddy," his husband called out croakily. "Come on over."

Chris took a tentative step forward. "Papa?"

"It's okay."

Tears were streaming down Chris's face. He darted forward, halting abruptly right next to the bed. "I don't want to make you hurt, Papa,"

His husband smirked. "You could never hurt me. Come here." Kurt lifted up his son and helped him get situated next to his father. "I love you and your dad so much."

Chris sniffed. "I know, Papa. So why do you have to leave us?"

Kurt closed his eyes tight, fighting back the tears as his heart shattered into a million different pieces.

"I don't know why," his husband replied as soothingly as possible. "But I have to go. But I need you to promise me something."

He heard Chris sniff and opened his eyes. He had to take this in; it was probably the last time they were going to all be together. He walked closer to the bed, finding his husband's hand amongst the sheets. He felt a weak squeeze.

"I need you to take care of Daddy." Kurt opened his mouth, about to protest, but one look from his husband told him to keep quiet. "You know how he likes to control everything." Kurt glared at him. In that moment, he didn't remember that the man he loved was dying; for one split second it was as if they were having this discussion around the dinner table because someone had to go out of town."But he can't control this. He can't fix this. And it's probably driving him crazy."

Kurt nodded, smiling sadly and blinking back more tears. "I need you to take care of each other, Can you promise me that, Chris?"

"I promise, Papa."

His husband sniffed. "It's okay to be sad. And it's okay to be happy too. I want you to be happy, even if I'm not here. Because I'll feel your happiness and it will make me feel better, okay?" A tired look crossed his face. He was getting weaker.

"You want to say goodbye to Daddy, don't you?" Chris asked quietly, tears filling his voice.

His husband nodded sadly. "I don't want to, but I need to." He clung to Chris tightly. "I love you so, so, so much Christopher Hummel-Anderson. Never forget that."

"I love you too, Papa," Chris's muffled voice came around choked back sobs. Kurt sensed someone beside him. It was his dad.

"Come on, Chris, I've got you," he muttered, rubbing his grandson's back. The man on the bed looked at his father-in-law with grateful sadness.

"Go with Grampa, Buddy."

"I don't wanna leave."

His husband smiled sadly. "I'm never going to leave you." He placed a hand on his son's chest. "I'll always be in your heart."

Nodding, Chris allowed Burt to pick him. "I love you, Papa. Always."

"Always."

Chris's eyes were locked on his father until the door clicked. Kurt sighed. "Should we have let him stay?" he asked tiredly, reaching instinctively for his husband's hand. He tried not to think about how much he was going to miss doing that. How much he was going to miss his husband.

The other man shook his head firmly, with a strength that surprised Kurt. "No. I don't....he doesn't need to see me die." He paused. "Neither do you for that matter."

Kurt scoffed. "You're not getting rid of me that easily.”

His husband looked at him with mock innocence. "What, are you going to deny a man his dying wish?"

Kurt scowled, his heart tensing, full of so much love he thought he was going to explode. "How many death jokes are you going to use on me?"

"As many as breaths left in my body."

"Then I hope there's a lot."

His husband sighed, the twinkle leaving his eyes. "Not nearly enough." He patted the bed. "Come here."

Every muscle in Kurt's body wanted to jump in next to the man he loved, pulling him close, never letting go. But he knew that things were worse than they wanted Chris to believe. He knew how much pain his husband was experiencing, in spite of the brave face he put on when he thought anyone was looking. But Kurt knew better, had seen his anguished face as he slept, torn between selfishly hoping that his husband would wake up so there was still a chance and hoping he'd pass quietly in his sleep, finally getting relief from the suffering.

His husband seemed to read his mind. Nothing new there. "Kurt, I'll be fine."

"But you're in so much pain-"

"Not when I'm in your arms," he replied firmly, the effort clearly costing him strength. "Get here and spoon me, dammit." His eyes say the words he no longer had strength to utter.  _ Before it’s too late. _

Kurt melted. He needed this. His husband needed this. Carefully, he moved the railing on the bed out of the way, moving slowly as not to jostle the form on the bed. He laid his arm gently over the man he loved.

"More," His voice was barely more than a whisper now.

Kurt picked him up easily. Too easily. "I love you so much, baby," he whispered into his husband’s bald head.

"Who you calling a baby?" The familiar retort sent shocks of grief and joy through his veins simultaneously. "I can't see you." Kurt shifted until they were face to face. His tears were reflected in his husband's eyes. "I love you too, sweetie. You saved me, Kurt. Never forget that. I've never been happier than when I've been with you."

Kurt choked back a sob. "Why can't I save you now?"

"Because you're an actor, not a doctor, sweetie."

"Not like they did much better," Kurt mumbled.

"Hey, they tried their best. I know you hate to hear it, but sometimes there are things us mere mortals can't control." Life was slowly draining out of his husband's body with every word.

"Shhh," Kurt whispered. "You don't have to talk so much. You're wearing yourself out."

His love shook his head. "I need to get everything out. Before..." He didn't have to finish. "You remember what we talked about, right?"

Kurt nodded. "I don't know if I can do it."

"Promise me you'll try."

A sigh escaped from Kurt's lips. He really didn't want to think about this right now. But he would do anything at this point. "I'll try."

His husband looked satisfied. "Good. You know you'll have my blessing, right? If you feel like it’s right, it's okay with me."

"I know."

They were silent for a minute or two. There was so much to be said, but they didn't need to. They both knew. Kurt settled for tightening his embrace.

"Kurt?" His voice was even weaker. "Kiss me."

Kurt happily obliged, eyes wide open, taking in every inch of his husband's face as he made love to his mouth with his lips. It seemed as if he had put every last ounce of strength he had left into their embrace. They pulled away reluctantly when the man in his arms began to shiver. His eyes grew sort of distant. "Kurt, it's cold. So cold."

"I've got you baby, I'm not letting go."

"Scared."

"Me too."

"Love,"

"I know. I know. I love you. So. Freaking. Much. You saved me too, you know. I love you, I love you, I love you."

Their eyes met, and Kurt put all of the love he could into his gaze. "Kurt..." A slight shudder, a light going out in his eyes. The body slumped against Kurt. If it wasn't for the monitors blaring, it was as if he had just fallen asleep. But there would be no breakfast in bed for them tomorrow morning. Or any morning.

The reality hit Kurt like a freight train. "No," he muttered through clenched teeth. "No. Come back. No. No!  **No** !" He vaguely noted that the door opened. He didn't care. He clutched his husband's still warm body to his chest. "No, no, no, no!"

"Kurt, you need to get up." It was his father.

"No. I'm not leaving him."

He felt a hand on his shoulder. "He's already gone."

"No, he's right here."

"Not anymore, buddy. That's just a shell."

He wanted to scream at his father, tell him to go away, tell him he didn't know what he was talking about. Except that wasn't true. Burt Hummel knew exactly what he was going through right now. He reluctantly let his father pull him out of the bed, away from the man who had been his life.

As he passed the doctor who had rushed into the room in response to the alarms, Kurt noticed something he had written down. It felt as if he had gotten stabbed in the gut. Silent tears began to stream down his face as he bolted from the room.

The words kept circling around in his head.

_ Michael Arthur Hummel-Anderson, Time of Death: 8:05 pm _

* * *

Kurt sighed into his coffee, staring at the paper in front of him. Eviction. This on top of everything else. He knew he hadn’t been making the full payments for months, he couldn’t on one salary with most of the money going towards what insurance wouldn’t cover. Which was a lot. He had tried to talk to the landlord, but it had been too long since he had made a full payment. Besides, even if he did manage to scrape up the money for the back rent, he couldn’t afford this place any more.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. It was his father. Kurt had tried to talk him into getting a hotel room if he insisted on staying, but Burt had none of that. As much as he loved having his dad around, he wished sometimes that he would go away. He really didn’t want his father to see just how much of a failure he was.

“What’s that?” His father asked, helping himself to a cup of coffee.

“Nothing,” Kurt muttered, flipping the paper over. But not quickly enough.

“Eviction? That bastard of a landlord of yours is seriously kicking you out? After what just happened?”

“It’s fine, Dad. I talked to him. He feels really bad, but he doesn’t have a choice. But he’s giving us an extra week to find a place and move out, which he didn’t have to do.”

Burt sat down, that damn concerned look plastered on his face. Kurt was starting to hate that face; it was driving him crazy. Couldn’t his father just look at him like a normal person? “Where are you going to go?”

Kurt shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe we can stay with Rachel for a little while. I’m sure she’d let us crash there until we can find something more permanent.”

Burt snorted. “Kurt, I’ve seen that apartment of hers. It’s barely large enough to hold her ego, let alone the two of you.”

Kurt couldn’t help but chuckle. “Got any other ideas?” His mind wandered to Chris, playing in the other room with a new friend from school. He had figured it was a good idea to keep his son occupied. Chris seemed excited for the distraction.

“Yeah, actually.” His father began. “You could move back in with me.”

Kurt actually choked on his coffee. “What?”

“Come home, Kurt. I know you want to be strong and do this on your own, but it’s going to be rough. You could really use your family around right now. I know that was the only thing that kept me sane when your mother...” He clearly didn’t know if he could say the D-word. It was too soon.

“I’m not you, Dad,” Kurt sighed.

“I know, buddy. But I’m still your father, and the offer is always there if you want to take it. It doesn’t have to be a long term thing, just until you get back on your feet.”

“Fine. I’ll think about it.”

“Good,”

Just then, Chris darted into the room, tears streaking his face. He made a beeline towards Kurt, throwing his arms around his father. “Sweetie, what happened?” Something told him that there was more than just grief making his son upset.

“Connor...” Chris sniffed loudly before he continued. “Connor said that Papa is burning in Hell. And he won’t take it back.” He mumbled into his father’s shirt.

Kurt’s blood froze, heart pounding furiously in his ears. His voice was surprisingly calm when he spoke. “Are you sure that is what he said?”

Chris nodded. “It’s not true, is it?” he asked in quiet terror.

Kurt clutched his son to his chest. “No Chris. That’s just something mean people like to say to upset us.”

“Good,” Chris whispered firmly. “I don’t want Papa to hurt anymore.”

“He won’t.” There was a sharp knocking at the door. Kurt glanced at the clock. It was time for Connor to be picked up. “That should be his mother. I’ll talk to her about what he said. I wonder where he picked that up, his mother seemed so nice.”

Standing, he led his son back into the other room, walking quickly to the door. When he opened it, it was a shock to see an unknown man standing there, not looking at all friendly. “Hello,” Kurt began with as much sociability as he could offer. “Who are you?”

“Connor’s father.” The man replied tersely. He could see the resemblance now. “Where is he?”

“Right inside, but could I speak to you for a minute? About Connor?”

The man sighed impatiently. “Fine.”

“I’m not sure if you are aware, but Chris’s father passed away a few days ago.”

The man looked confused. “You're not his Dad?”

Oh. “No, I am. His other father.” The man visibly stiffened. “But your son made a comment about my husband going to Hell, and it really upset Chris.”

Connor’s father shrugged. “Why? That is where he is, that’s where sinners go. That’s where you’ll end up too, you know.”

_ Well, I guess I know where he gets it. _ “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Now give me my son before your perversion rubs off on him and your son starts humping him or something. I don’t know what Martha was thinking letting him come over here.”

“Get out.” Kurt’s voice was dangerously low. “Now.”

Connor quickly joined his father. He looked confused, not quite sure why his words had caused so much trouble, and almost looking regretful. As Kurt shut the door as hard as he could without slamming, he hoped that there was hope for the boy. The mother seemed nice enough; maybe she could counteract her husband’s close-mindedness.

He hated when things like this happened. It reminded him that as wonderful New York was, there were still close-minded bigots here too. At least before, he could deal with it. He could come home to Mike and talk it out or cry or cuddle or punch some pillows. Now... a wave of loneliness washed over him. His husband’s absence from the apartment, their apartment was more profound than ever. Suffocating even.

He made the decision in that split second. “Chris, we’re moving to Ohio.”

* * *

Kurt walked over to Mike’s parents, who had already begun to form the receiving line. His mother managed to smile at him sadly, stepping forward to give him a hug. Mike’s father clapped him on the shoulder.

The obvious question was  _ How are you? _ But it seemed so ridiculous. They all were clearly not fine. The box to their left showed just how not fine they all were.

“Where’s Chris?” Steven Anderson inquired.

“With my Dad in the car. He needed a few minutes. I told him he didn’t have to come in if he didn’t want to.”

Shirley Anderson frowned. “He needs closure. That’s what all this is about.”

Kurt sighed. “He can get that tomorrow. The funeral is more important. This is just a bunch of strangers lining up to look at his father’s corpse. He doesn’t need to see that.”

“I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now,” his mother-in-law continued.

Kurt smiled at her sadly. “Likewise.”

“At least we can do it together.”

Kurt hesitated. He hadn’t told them yet. “Not exactly.”

Mike’s mother frowned. “Kurt, you’re family. We know how tough this is for you and Chris. Let us help you.”

“It’s not that we don’t appreciate the support, but...we’re moving back to Ohio.”

“Oh,” Silence. Kurt held his breath, waiting for a reaction. When none came, he felt the need to explain himself.

“I’m not trying to take Chris away from you or anything, I hope you know that. You can still come and visit any time and he can come see you and you can call all you want. It’s just...hard being here. Without Mike.”

Steve Anderson smiled sadly. “I know what you mean. Do what you need to do Kurt. Just know that we’re here for you, both of you, whenever you need it.”

“Thank you,” he choked out. “For everything.”

His in-laws enveloped him in a hug. They broke apart as they saw people begin to file into the room to view the body. Kurt was thankful Mike had decided on a closed casket. Otherwise he didn’t know how he’d manage to keep it together.

Kurt smiled numbly as he greeted people one by one in the receiving line. He was grateful that this was his only responsibility. Mike’s parents insisted on taking care of everything. They were even paying for it, which, while it hurt Kurt’s pride, was a welcome relief. There were a fair number of people at the wake. Mike had been well known and loved.

_ I’m so sorry for your loss. He was a great man. If there’s anything we can do. I’m so sorry. Sorry. _

He knew they meant well, that they didn’t know what else to say. But it was starting to be too much. Thankfully the stream of people had finally slowed to a trickle. He excused himself, muttering some lame excuse about using the bathroom. He just had to escape. He was almost at the door when he heard a familiar voice call out his name.

Before he could turn around, he was enveloped by arms and hair. “Rach, you’re going to choke me if you hug any tighter.”

She pulled away, looking at him apologetically. “Sorry.” Not her too. Rachel Berry dove in for another, albeit gentler hug. “I wish I could have gotten to you sooner. That stupid understudy just had to get sick the week my friend needed me the most.”

“It’s okay, I understand. I liked the chocolate you sent over.”

“I know you always eat it when you’re particularly down and out. I figure this would be as down and out as you could get. How’re you holding up?”

“Let’s just say it’s a very good thing that I’m an actor.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Yeah.” That was the first time he had admitted it. He had even been pretending with his father, though he knew Burt saw right through the façade. Kurt was grateful that for the most part his father had been playing along. But Rachel was different. Aside from Mike, he told Rachel almost everything. He always had. Sure, she could be self centered sometimes. Most of the time. But then again so was he. They had a strange bond that had evolved over the years, and Kurt was never more grateful for it than in this moment. He realized how much he was going to miss her. The move. She didn’t know. “Rach, Chris and I are moving back to Lima.”

“Oh.” She didn’t sound too surprised. “That should be good for you.”

“Who would have thought we’d ever say that, huh?”

Rachel chuckled. “Yeah. But things have gotten better. I mean, didn’t they just pass a marriage equality bill in Ohio?”

“That’s really helpful. I can now marry my husband in my hometown. You know, the one in a box over there,” he retorted bitterly.

Rachel sighed. “You know what I mean. Maybe people have started to at least try to keep an open mind.”

Kurt shrugged. “It doesn’t matter too much. It’s just for a little while. I survived eighteen years there, I can last a few months.”

Rachel tightened her hug. “I’m going to miss you. And my favorite son-nephew too.”

“We’ll miss you too. Speaking of Chris,” Kurt continued. “I think he could use his Aunt-Mom right now.” A pang of doubt crept into his chest. “Maybe leaving is a mistake. He should be around you, you’re the only biological parent he has left.”

That earned him a hearty glare. “Oh no you don’t, Kurt Hummel. You’re more of the parent here than I am. DNA does not a parent make, you know that.”

Kurt sighed. “I know. But still...”

“He’ll have your dad, he’ll have Carole, he’ll have your brother, and he’ll even have my dads if you let them. And we’ll skype all the time. And I’ll come out to visit when my schedule permits. I swear, you’ll see me so much you’ll be sick of me.”

“Sounds good.” Kurt’s mind wandered back to their previous conversation. “I’m so glad we went with Mike as the donor. I mean, I know how dumb it sounds, but it’s like I still have a bit of him, you know?”

“It’s not stupid, honey.” She kissed him on the cheek. “We’re going to get through this. Together. You’re not alone, okay?”

“Okay,” he replied, knowing in his heart that he didn’t believe it.

* * *

Kurt wandered around the reception. They had just returned from the cemetery. Chris had been bawling by his side, clutching his father’s leg. But Kurt’s eyes had been dry. They had been ever since he left Mike in that hospital bed. He knew that once the waterworks got going there was going to be no stopping. And he had to hold it together, had to be strong for Chris. He was thankful that once they reached the reception Rachel has swept his son off, trying to comfort him and keep him company. Kurt needed the break. Staying composed ( _ numb) _ was hard.

His stomach grumbled. He suddenly realized just how little he had eaten that day, or for the past week for that matter. Earlier his stomach had revolted against him, the grief and the stress too much. But now, everything was done. He had to start to move on. And the first step was to eat something. That’s what Mike would say, at least.

As he approached the buffet, Kurt couldn’t help but chuckle. He should have expected that his brother would head straight to the food. Some things never changed. Except something was off. He was eating, yes, but his attention was elsewhere. Kurt followed his gaze. It fell on Rachel, who was sitting on a couch with her arm wrapped around Chris. She looked gorgeous. He looked back at Finn. The love in his eyes was crystal clear. He knew that Finn still had feelings towards her, but there was something else in his look.

Kurt walked over. “Go for it.”

“Hm?” Finn asked, shaking his head as he emerged from his thoughts.

“Go for it with Rachel.”

“How did you-”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “I pay attention. And I know you. And her. She still loves you, you know.”

Finn looked shocked. “Really?”

“Really.” Kurt confirmed. “Look, I know you two have had your ups and downs. But you love each other. Don’t take that for granted. Don’t just think that you have all the time in the world, because you don’t.”

Finn patted his shoulder. “Sorry, man. Probably isn’t the best time for you to talk about this.”

Kurt shrugged. “It’s a distraction. Besides, it’ll make me feel better if you two can finally stop dancing around this and finally be happy.

Finn enveloped him in a hug. “You’re the best, bro.”

Kurt couldn’t help but smile as he watched Finn approach Chris and Rachel. His brother seemed almost shy when he said hello, though he relaxed when Chris asked him to join them. Finn plopped down on Chris’s unoccupied side, wrapping him up in his arms. Rachel moved as if to stand, but Finn grabbed her arm. “Wait, Rach, can we talk?”

Rachel glanced in Kurt’s direction, questioningly. Kurt just smirked, nodding.

“Sure.”

“Chris, how about you go over to the food and help your dad pick out something to eat? You know that if you don’t keep an eye on him all of the cheesecake will mysteriously disappear.” Kurt glared at his brother. Of all the ways he could have gotten Chris to leave...?

Chris rolled his eyes. “I’m seven. If you want to talk about grown-up stuff, just say so. I’m a big kid now.”

Kurt couldn’t help the pride that welled up inside him at the retort. He had the best son ever.

* * *

This was it. The last night sleeping in their apartment. Everything was in boxes. The movers (a present from his father) would be there in the morning. Then it was onto a plane to Ohio. Away from New York. Away from his work. Away from the memories.

He didn’t have too many qualms about quitting his job. His understudy was more than qualified to take on the part and the show wouldn’t suffer his loss too much. Sure, he was going to miss the stage, but the stage reminded him of Mike. Of how they met. It was better this way.

He couldn’t wait to move. Everything that had made the place feel like home was packed. All that remained was an empty shell. Just like that was all Mike had left behind in that hospital bed.

Kurt felt his breath hitch. He was alone in his bed,  _ their bed.  _ Suddenly he couldn’t keep it in any more. Tears began to flow freely down his face, making the pillow damp. He shook with the effort to suppress the sobs trying to escape his lips. He didn’t want to wake Chris. At the thought of his son, however, he lost it. The reality of being a widower, a single parent, was just too much to take in.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on his bedroom door. “Dad?” Chris called out, his voice muted by the door between them.

Kurt tried to get out of bed, but his arms and legs didn’t seem to remember how to function. “Come in,” he called out, voice hoarse. He rubbed his eyes vigorously in hopes of removing all evidence of his breakdown. His son entered, and his heart broke when he saw tears. “Come here, sweetie, what’s up?”

Chris scampered over to the bed and hopped in next to his father. Kurt tucked the blanket over his son’s tiny body, pulling him onto his chest. “I had a bad dream.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Chris was quiet for a minute. “It wasn’t really a bad dream. It was just bad because it wasn’t real when I woke up. I thought...I thought that I woke up and Papa was home and he wasn’t sick anymore. We were going to see your show or something. There was a lot of laughing.”

Kurt could feel tears prickling at his eyes. “That sounds really nice.”

Chris sniffed. “It was.” Kurt tightened his hold on his son. He didn’t know what to say. He blinked quickly, trying not to break. “It’s okay to cry,” Chris’s voice mumbled against his chest. “Papa said it was okay to be sad, remember?”

Kurt breathed shakily. “I remember.”

“Can I sleep in here tonight, Daddy?”

“Of course.”

Chris sniffed. “I love you, Daddy. And I love Papa too.”

Kurt let the tears fall. “I love you both so much.”

They laid there in silence for a while, Chris’s breathing slowing as he drifted back to sleep. Kurt spent hours just staring at the ceiling, tears rolling down his face. The same words kept circling in his head until he finally fell asleep in the pre-dawn hours.

_ How will we ever be happy again? _


End file.
